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Post by BeesNVMe on Dec 23, 2003 21:05:31 GMT -5
When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Procter and Gamble?
It's true....Comet cleans sinks!
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.
If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
Missile-toe!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa?
Claus-trophobic.
What's the difference between snow men and snow women?
Snow balls.
Why does Rudolph feel at home in strip clubs?
It's the red-light district.
Why did the snow man have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.
Why did Santa Claus trade Rudolph?
He wanted change for a buck.
Where can you find literature about Santa's assistants?
In the Elf-help section.
What is the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly?
Santa Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
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Post by BeesNVMe on Dec 23, 2003 21:18:01 GMT -5
This is the story of how the angel got on top of the Christmas Tree:
One Christmas things weren't going too well for Santa up there at the North Pole. Mrs. Claus was sick, the elves were on strike and the reindeer all had diarrhea. Santa was totally frazzled. In the midst of all this an angel came in with the tree and asked Santa, "Where would you like me to put the Christmas Tree?"
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Post by BeesNVMe on Dec 23, 2003 21:38:00 GMT -5
BAH!!! Humbug!!!
Dear Boys and Girls,
Well, it's that time of year again and once again I am busting my ass to get everything done in time for my big night. What a pain it has been. Shortages from Japan, elves who don't know shit about electronic toys, a sleigh that is falling apart and then I caught the Missus fooling around with one of the elves. Who knew? I always thought the little bastards were gay!
I really am getting too old for this shit. It used to be so simple... wooden toys and dolls that didn't do anything, but now it's electronic gizmos up the ass, and what the hell does an old fart like me know about computers? I put my naughty/nice list on the computer a few years ago and the damn thing crashed. Lost all the nice kids. Do you have any idea how expensive it is to fly tech support to the north pole?
Don't even get me started on the damn reindeer. "Eight tiny reindeer" my ass! Too much hay and carrots. They are so damn fat I have my doubts they will even get off the ground.
I shouldn't talk. I always go on a diet the day after Christmas. Too many damn cookies and milk. Of course, now what do the little kiddies leave me? Low fat milk and fat free cookies! That's all I get, especially in California with all those damn health nuts. Is it too much to ask to leave the fat man a good stiff drink to keep him warm through the night?
Enough about my problems. How have you been? Hope things are going well for you and yours. Not sure what time I will be flying over your house but with the FAA and their new freaking rules, it's going to be a very long night.
Here's wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Very Happy New Year!
Lots of love, Santa
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Common
Ultimate Ruffness
You Got To Feel It!
Posts: 7,442
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Post by Common on Dec 29, 2003 17:16:19 GMT -5
How did I miss this? This is funny! Thanks for this CP!
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